Five things to know to get the most from counseling.
"People don't go to Denny's, they end up at Denny's." Without clear expectations and communication, you won't get everything you can from counseling. With that in mind, I've decided to list some of the more important things to help the counseling process.
First, do you know what "process" you'd like from a counselor? The most successful counseling experiences come from both parties knowing what the expectations are. Some clients prefer to have a specific goal, with action steps along the way, and someone to hold them accountable to the process. For others, that style of counseling can seem like a personal hell, preferring to have the counselor's insights and different points of view, but leave the details up to themselves.
The second thing that's important to be clear on is that YOU are choosing the counselor to provide service to you. It's a balance of liking them for their personality, but also trusting that they are skilled enough to help you get to where you want to go. Frankly, I've talked with counselors whom I thought I would like to watch in practice, and I've seen others that, if they were surgeons, would end up killing patient after patient. If it's not a good fit, get outta there.
The third thing to consider with a counselor is to have realistic time expectations. Sometimes it only takes a few sessions, other times it may take longer for the changes to really take place. Counseling doesn't have to be a once a week thing for years, ideally it's like a family doctor - you go for a stint, and then you go periodically when you need to. I'll see clients weekly for a few months, then every other week for a bit, and then only when they want to see me - often months later. Counseling is not two sessions and then never again, nor is it three times a week for ten years. Discuss this with your counselor as a regular topic.
The fourth thing to keep in mind is that you can correct your counselor. Your counselor only sees you for one hour out of 168 hours of the week and will make mistakes (hopefully just small ones). As I tell my clients, "I don't even know your middle name, so if I get something wrong just tell me." At all times you should be able to tell the counselor that they missed the mark - and a good counselor will appreciate this input, and ask for more information.
The fifth thing to keep in mind is don't "fear or protect the counselor". There are times that are going to be difficult in counseling, and some things are going to make you laugh. But the issues of scheduling times, payments, subject topic, and everything else should be easily handled by your counselor. At no point should you feel guilty for wanting to see a different counselor, or asking if the counselor will accept a double payment next week because money is tight this week, or saying that you wish the counselor would let you sit in silence longer if you're thinking about something. It's your session, and you should feel confident in the skills and approachability of the counselor.
Oh, and I guess a sixth thing is that frequently things will seem to get worse before they get better - I use the analogy of cleaning up after Thanksgiving dinner. Immediately afterwards there are dishes stacked up in roasting pans, all the flatware is in a serving bowl, and everything fits on the counter. Within minutes everything looks worse! The roasting pan is filled with greasy water, the sink is filled with leftover bits floating in more greasy water, there is food on the counter, the garbage is overflowing and has stuff on the outside of the container. After twenty minutes, it doesn't look much better. After another twenty minutes of working through things, it's starting to look like it was before things started. But, eventually, with enough help and persistence - along with some really good stories - the kitchen is cleaner than it had been since that morning. And counseling is very similar; Sometimes the only way out is through it. You can't leave the dirty dishes by the sink forever...
First, do you know what "process" you'd like from a counselor? The most successful counseling experiences come from both parties knowing what the expectations are. Some clients prefer to have a specific goal, with action steps along the way, and someone to hold them accountable to the process. For others, that style of counseling can seem like a personal hell, preferring to have the counselor's insights and different points of view, but leave the details up to themselves.
The second thing that's important to be clear on is that YOU are choosing the counselor to provide service to you. It's a balance of liking them for their personality, but also trusting that they are skilled enough to help you get to where you want to go. Frankly, I've talked with counselors whom I thought I would like to watch in practice, and I've seen others that, if they were surgeons, would end up killing patient after patient. If it's not a good fit, get outta there.
The third thing to consider with a counselor is to have realistic time expectations. Sometimes it only takes a few sessions, other times it may take longer for the changes to really take place. Counseling doesn't have to be a once a week thing for years, ideally it's like a family doctor - you go for a stint, and then you go periodically when you need to. I'll see clients weekly for a few months, then every other week for a bit, and then only when they want to see me - often months later. Counseling is not two sessions and then never again, nor is it three times a week for ten years. Discuss this with your counselor as a regular topic.
The fourth thing to keep in mind is that you can correct your counselor. Your counselor only sees you for one hour out of 168 hours of the week and will make mistakes (hopefully just small ones). As I tell my clients, "I don't even know your middle name, so if I get something wrong just tell me." At all times you should be able to tell the counselor that they missed the mark - and a good counselor will appreciate this input, and ask for more information.
The fifth thing to keep in mind is don't "fear or protect the counselor". There are times that are going to be difficult in counseling, and some things are going to make you laugh. But the issues of scheduling times, payments, subject topic, and everything else should be easily handled by your counselor. At no point should you feel guilty for wanting to see a different counselor, or asking if the counselor will accept a double payment next week because money is tight this week, or saying that you wish the counselor would let you sit in silence longer if you're thinking about something. It's your session, and you should feel confident in the skills and approachability of the counselor.
Oh, and I guess a sixth thing is that frequently things will seem to get worse before they get better - I use the analogy of cleaning up after Thanksgiving dinner. Immediately afterwards there are dishes stacked up in roasting pans, all the flatware is in a serving bowl, and everything fits on the counter. Within minutes everything looks worse! The roasting pan is filled with greasy water, the sink is filled with leftover bits floating in more greasy water, there is food on the counter, the garbage is overflowing and has stuff on the outside of the container. After twenty minutes, it doesn't look much better. After another twenty minutes of working through things, it's starting to look like it was before things started. But, eventually, with enough help and persistence - along with some really good stories - the kitchen is cleaner than it had been since that morning. And counseling is very similar; Sometimes the only way out is through it. You can't leave the dirty dishes by the sink forever...